Overzealous SAIS spring cleaning erases history
By Ima Nyrd

We all received notice: while students were on break SAIS would take the opportunity to conduct some intensive spring cleaning. Unfortunately, this year the seemingly innocuous event went too far. An overzealous cleaning crew contracted by an outside company took some liberties with the piece of the Berlin Wall in the Nitze courtyard, removing all historic graffiti and effectively eliminating the past.

While this purging of history was not done with any mal-intent, the SAIS administration has decided to press charges for emotional distress and defacing of private property. Dean Harrington was too wrought with emotion to comment.

“What has happened here is absolutely disgraceful,” quipped one dean. “Now how are we supposed to compete with Georgetown?” Due to the Berlin Wall incident, three students have already put in their applications to transfer.

The Wall was truly a landmark item at SAIS. Before the cleaning of the wall, plans were set in motion to get the monument on popular bus-tour routes around Washington, DC. “We stand no chance now. Bus-loads of prospective students… gone!” wailed a tearful admissions aide.

And what do the students think? One puzzled student did not have much to remark. “Wait, we have a piece of the Berlin Wall here?”

Others were absolutely outraged. A small contingent of students decided they would like to join the administration in legal action. Students interested in formally pursuing a legal resolution need to speak with the registrar, then get clearance from their department head, whose signature must be witnessed and notarized by the program coordinator and at least one other person. Following completion of these steps, students must then submit a ten-page proposal to the deans for consideration and prepare oral arguments — complete with slides and economic models. Students can expect to hear back as early as 2015.

Many students who studied in Bologna were not especially affected by the horrendous actions of the cleaning crew. “Once you’ve seen the East Side Gallery in Berlin, one slab of the wall is hardly impressive,” said one student between cigarette puffs.

A few students were actually relieved at the change in the Wall. “The graffiti was quite ugly. Now the wall blends into the rest of the cement background and is less of an eyesore.” This student was promptly slapped upside the head by colleagues.

Overall, most students lament the changes to the Berlin Wall, mourning the familiar sight they would pass on their way to their favorite nook in the library. “It was always so reassuring – no matter how bad things got here, the wall was a great reminder: at least we’re not barricaded in. Well, not against our will anyways.”

The SGA has decided that the best way to ease the pain over the destruction of such a valuable keepsake is to embrace the change. “We’ve been given an opportunity to rewrite history, and leave our own mark for future classes to see!” It is in this spirit that the SGA has decided that funds raised at the next happy hour will be used to purchase paints and other supplies to re-graffiti the wall in a manner reminiscent of its former appearance.

A “Paint the Wall Red” party is being scheduled for sometime in late April. Keep reading your Monday-blueser for updates.