Good Grades, Dream Job, Hot Babe . . .
The “Impossible Trinity” of SAIS?
By Andrew Duff

Each semester gets us pondering questions such as which way the supply and demand curves slope and the difference between a presidential and parliamentary system. But the end of the spring semester brings up a much thornier question: 
 
Did this year suck? Or was it a success? 
 
A successful year would be one that achieved the three basic goals of a grad student’s life: Academic achievement, professional advancement, and of course a hot relationship. As the end of the year approaches, how many SAIS students can say they achieved these objectives? Come commencement hour, will there be tears of joy – or pathetic puddles of regret? 
 
This reporter’s investigation into the grades/job/babe balance was inspired by his own explicit prioritization between them in autumn, which set the tone for what I hoped to achieve during the year (hint – in reverse order). Having established my own goals for the year, I wanted to write about how other students prioritize among these objectives in working towards a “successful” school year.
 
What I found is that most students respond with a striking antipathy to such explicit planning. 
 
“SAIS is about having a great experience, taking it as it comes” insisted Chris Saunders. “Any guy who goes on a mission to focus solely on jobs, grades, or girls would either be a jerk, a nerd, or a sleaze.”  
 
This reporter chose not to determine which one applied to himself.
 
Further resistance to my priority-setting idea followed. 
 
Tanja Faller noted that SAIS gals who actively searched for love consistently whiffed. 
 
“Your question is flawed,” agreed Junko Saito. “You can’t just decide to get a girlfriend. It’s 80% luck…50% luck, if you account for looks.” Pleased to discover that SAIS females were only 30% about the superficial booty, it was nonetheless disheartening to have no article. 
 
This reporter decided to seek expert help. 
 
“Certainly, if a student needs assistance in prioritizing goals, we are here for them,” offered Michael McKenzie. 
 
But would Career Services throw a rope to those lonely in love? “Uh . . . We’re probably more qualified to give, you know . . . job advice,” McKenzie replied.
 
This reporter then ventured higher up the administration food chain. 
 
“The Dean and I have seen students in tears,” admitted an administrative assistant. “SAIS students are under a lot of pressure.” 
 
Back in the lobby, Jankowsky’s morbid assessment echoed in this reporter’s head as raccoon-eyed students listlessly sifted through cookie hour crumbs. 
 
One of these wounded warriors was Martin Oswald, who admitted to boldly attempting to achieve the grades/jobs/girl trifecta over the course of a single week of spring break in Shanghai. He didn’t bag the gal, and “screwed up three take-home midterms.” He was, however, offered two teaching positions (not teaching English!).    Oswald’s bittersweet success spurred on this reporter’s investigation. Was success on all three fronts at SAIS some sort of ‘Impossible Trinity?’ 
 
“Absolutely. It’s an unachievable balance. And it’s the administration’s fault!” cried a frothing Bologna returnee, speaking on condition of anonymity. 
 
Matthias Feldmann agrees that the three cannot be pursued simultaneously, saying that the black hole of schoolwork kept him from sowing his oats. “I’d trade in a few grades for a few girls,” Feldmann conceded. 
 
While Bradley Lyon concurs that trade-offs are necessary (he placed economics coursework first, followed by social life, and said the job search will “be overcome in due time”), he insisted that he has no regrets, and believes that most SAIS students are happy with how they spent their time this year.
 
Nora Sohnen focused on grades first semester, but says that “the pendulum has swung.” When prodded to reveal whether she’s spending her time gettin’ busy on Monster.com or with Mr. Right, she cryptically noted that she’s “not graduating anytime soon.” 
 
Nikki Duncan also placed grades as top priority last semester, but notes that “judging from recent midterms, things are now quite the opposite.” She fears that the juggling of grades/job/babe (or dude) might be a zero-sum game, but noted that a relationship “can really be a stress reliever.” 
 
This reporter was not certain what Duncan meant by ‘stress relief,’ but was nonetheless unable to concentrate on the rest of the interview, wondering if it is too late in the game to go for ‘babe?’
 
“Are you kidding? The last month of school is your best chance for booty!” insists Matt Marolla, alluding to the existence of a certain “desperation dynamic” for departing students. 
 
Career Services’ McKenzie indicates that desperate job seekers should keep the faith as well. “At this point, the worst thing is to give up. It may be time to reassess where you are, but it will work out in the end.” 
 
Though few SAIS students seem to harbor significant regrets about their achievements over the past year, they do note that they have had to sacrifice to achieve particular goals. And while most interviewees did not explicitly prioritize grades/job/babe last autumn (and made fun of this reporter for doing so himself), they did so in practice, adjusting their priorities (generally away from grades) as the year went on. 
 
Perhaps the only way to achieve the ‘Impossible Trinity’ is to follow the advice of Ken Nold: “Lower standards to succeed.” 
 
As summer draws nigh, this revolutionary method could prove quite tempting, even for hard-charging SAIS students.

Andrew Duff is a 2nd year MA candidate concentrating in Strategic Studies