Dating experiences at SAIS

August 20, 2009 | Observer Staff | Comments 0

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Be my valentine?

My first assignment as a writer for the SAIS Observer.  I could think of no better opportunity to talk to SAISers’ about dating and first dates.

With lots of cultural diversity at SAIS, everyone has their own understanding about “dating” and how to handle the electricity of seeing that person. Besides that, managing the time you have available to find time for that special (or not-so-special) person may be a little difficult.  Dating may seem impossible because of our tight schedules.  For many of us the only time we have to socialize is at the popular happy hours on Tuesdays at Lucky Bar or on Friday nights at SAIS. However, this situation does not stop couples from starting to date.

This begs the question: What chance do we have of meeting people at SAIS with whom we may connect?  It seems that people are not looking for romance; it just happens.  Nevertheless, how does “the chase” start?

Interviews with many well-known couples and single students at SAIS about their first dates with fellow SAISers brought out interesting pointers for dating. Speaking with students who had just started dating how the flirtation process also proved interesting.

Many SAISers felt that romance starts with a strong friendship. The best relationships flourish in a class environment where two people make back and forth eye contact and look away with nervous half-smiles, confident that they can be themselves.  Others answered that they did not know when the dating started or even more, at the beginning they did not know that they were dating! Feelings simply emerged.  Romance meant going with the flow while they took the same classes or were assigned to do a presentation together.  People need to read the signs, but what are the signs?

The simplest signs are: frequent phone calls with the most trivial of excuses, such as: “How should I apply to this internship?” “Can I have your notes?” “Do you have my pen?” Having long conversations makes all the difference.  There are other signs that are more direct, such as: Make a drink Trivial-Pursuit bet (if I win the game you have to drink)—as one of my interviewees said, drinking helps.  Other signs, that are less expected, include driving to another state to see that person, or touching his or her hand and feeling butterflies.

You know you’ve got it bad when you hug that person and don’t want that person to go away. Sometimes people feel the spark and the connection is obvious. It is impossible not to laugh when he or she says something even when it is not funny.  Well, SAISers I think that those who dare to make the first move will be surprised by the results! Feelings are always uncertain and unpredictable, but that’s what makes them exciting.

On the other hand, there were some interesting answers about SAISers’ first dates, in which things did not work out well. It can start with a planned date for a friend.  Sometimes, there is just no connection and you cannot help it.  How do you act under these kinds of circumstances?

One interviewee answered, “If there is a silence, you know that things are not going well.  You have to just start to improvise and talk about politics or econometrics.” This always works between SAISers. However, personally I think silence can be very relaxing if I feel comfortable with the person.

How do we deal with the situation if things do not work out?  Dating a SAISer means, if you split up, you will be seeing that person every day.  Our environment is so small and particular that it makes it a little difficult to avoid uncomfortable situations, so communication is important.

“One simple truth is that when nerds date it is never simple” a self proclaimed nerd and SAISer explained. Nothing is simple in this life, at least not in the environment of SAIS. But, after we have passed Microeconomics and International Trade without sleeping for days in a row, we can handle anything right?

Given all of this, should dating a SAISer be considered a plus?  Before, I thought that dating a SAISer was not an option; the classroom is a rocky environment for new relationships to bloom, and everyone is so focused on their courses there seems little time left for romance. But, dating a SAISer may have its advantages.  You are certain to share the same interests about politics, economics, development, and an international perspective about social reality.   Given mutually hectic schedule, you can understand each other’s lack of time. Sharing the same environment and the same friends makes it easier for you to spend more time with your partner, even if it’s in the library.

In the end, it does not matter if you are dating someone from SAIS or not. You may connect with someone from the outside world. What makes the relationship work depends all on you and how willing you are to act with maturity and honesty to communicate with your partner. The secret may be a lot of patience and communication, and a good friendship. As one of my interviewees said: A healthy relationship is like a healthy garden– you need to constantly tend to it and address those small weeds’ so that they do not  become big weeds and ruin what you care about.”

The author of this article chose to remain anonymous.

Filed Under: February 2009 • Opinion