Ask the SAIS Guy

August 20, 2009 | Observer Staff | Comments 0

By Matt Kaczmarek

The SAIS Guy answers your questions each month on love, life, and SAIS. Today’s topics: the top 10 things to do before you graduate, and New Year’s resolutions.

Dear SAIS Guy:
First semester flew by. Give me a rundown of the things I need to do to make the most of my SAIS experience. – The Mass Ave Maniac

Dear Maniac:
Alright man, you’ve asked for it. Behold the long-awaited, first time to be published,

TOP 15 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GRADUATE FROM SAIS

15. Insert your own here. Email your suggested list item to matt.kaczmarek@jhu.edu and the best will appear in next month’s column.

14. Start dating a fellow SAISer just to see if you can keep it a secret for more than a week.
You won’t be able to, I promise. It helps even more if the love blossoms on a SAIS-affiliated trip abroad. You know who you are, fake-secret-couples!

13. Rearrange a shelf of books in the library.
Seriously, have you ever seen anyone check out a non-reserve book? I don’t think so. I’ve been advocating for almost two years to take out all of the books and replace them with student workspaces. We do our research online now. Why not?

12. Buy a really nice expensive present for your Monetary TA, even if you took the course last spring.
It brings good luck. Trust me.

11. Take the “week-long-meal-event-challenge.”

Try to feed yourself, three meals a day, for a whole week solely by attending events with free food. You’ll be more successful than you think, but by the end you’ll for sure be over Geppetto’s tapenade.

10. Reserve a group study room for the two most popular hours one day each week but never show up.
Ok, this has got to be the douchiest item on this list, but clearly it happens all the time. First, it’s ridiculous that we only have two group study rooms when we have a gazillion people in the first year class. Second, you should really use the room or cancel your reservation if you don’t need it anymore. But, as long as no one plays by the rules, let’s have some fun.

9. Drink the Mad Dog in the fridge.
You know the one. You’ve seen that one beer in the refrigerator door in the basement of Nitze that looks like Paul Nitze himself probably left it there. That’s right… drink it. Just do it. Don’t tell anyone. Then later replace it so someone else can share the adventure.

8. Join SAISPride.
If you think you know how to have some fun in Dupont, just wait until you go out with the SAIS gays. Email saispride@jhu.edu to get on the guest list, and night after night, watch your calendar fill up with crazy memories. That, and, you might be surprised by who else you see out.

7. Write your significant other’s business school applications.
You came to SAIS because it felt good to balance that market-oriented, laissez-faire, radical free trader drive and determination with a little do-gooder democracy promotion, foreign aid, and microfinance warm fuzzy, but now you’re starting to feel soft. Still think you can get into Harvard Business School? Go for it. What’s the worst that could happen? As Professor Wedgwood says (and these are words I live by): “In life, do what makes you happy; but if you do, marry up.”

6. Make out with Mr. SAIS.
I know, hot. He’s like a mascot, but (hopefully) less furry. Plus, he embarrassed himself in front of the whole school. You might as well make him feel like the whole thing was worth it.

5. Find a way to use the Dean’s private bathroom.
This one may be an urban legend. She may or may not have her own en suite facilities. But if it’s true, you know what to do.

4. Try to take a cookie before 4:00 PM on Tuesday.
You won’t be able to. If you thought the cafeteria staff means business while making sandwiches, you should see the way they guard those cookies.

3. Get a job after you graduate.
No, really, it’d be really helpful, for all of us.

2. Pre-marg.
The pre-marg is an ultra exclusive SAIS ritual. Pre-marg is a verb, officially meaning the process of enjoying a margarita before a SAIS event. It could be happy hour, prom, Frisbee on the mall, a financial industry career panel, or even at 9:30 Monday morning before that 10:15 class. It doesn’t even have to be a margarita. Pina Coladas, vodka red-bulls, and the aforementioned Mad Dog are all valid substitutes.

And, the #1 thing to do before you graduate…

1. Make out behind the Berlin wall during happy hour.
Spring is almost here. The weather is getting warmer. Soon happy hour will be outside, and there it stands, the shining pinnacle of anyone’s SAIS career. The fall of the Berlin Wall represented the triumph of representative capitalist democracy over the totalitarian centrally-planned economy. Be sure to make this memory yours before you head out into real life. When the mood is right and you just need that romantic spot on campus, look no further, and pat yourself on the back for completing the #1 thing to do before you graduate from SAIS.
Have you done all 15? Email matt.kaczmarek@jhu.edu to get credit and find out what’s next. – SAISGuy

Dear SAIS Guy:

I’m still in the library, still procrastinating from writing a 30 page paper from last semester, and still trying to come up with a good New Year’s resolution. Any suggestions? – Late in the Library

Dear Late:
It is that time of the year again. Time to reflect on all of the crazy stuff that’s happened to you in 2008 and promise 2009 will be different, or better, or that you’ll start acting like an adult. Aside from the obvious (you should probably start your papers a little further in advance), here are some SAISer sample New Years resolutions:

Spend more time with SAIS classmates and get to know some of the fascinating people we are lucky enough to go to school with. Remember last semester how quickly we went from class to exams to – suddenly everyone was gone! It’s like that every term. Make a point to get to know each other before we all disperse.

Read more before class. We all do our reading, right? Well, we skim at least. Ok, well, most people do most of their reading. Classes can be that much more enriching if we come prepared. Some professors are smart and use techniques like reading summaries and cold-calling to keep us prepared. Consider this next time you see that number in the “amount owed to JHU” line on your ISIS statement. Are you getting your money’s worth from your classes?

Attend more speakers and panels. Think of all this extra brainpower provided at no additional charge to your SAIS experience. Force yourself to ask questions at events. It’s good practice for later in life when you get 30 second with your CEO in the company elevator.

Take up a non-SAIS activity. Frisbee? Pedicures? Tuesday nights have been my traditional non-SAIS nights. Last January I took up yoga, this year it’s beer and hot wings. But whatever your interest, get out of school for a couple of hours each week. Grad school doesn’t provide a lot of downtime, so get some when you can.

Do something to give back to DC or the SAIS community. There has to be a little public interest deep within us to be here, right? Don’t forget there’s a whole city out there that could use your help. Tutor little kids, help low income DCers complete their taxes, clean up after yourself in the cafeteria, or write a column for the SAIS Observer!

Take advantage of being in DC. It may not be America’s most exciting city, but the inaugural season and confirmation hearings put the world’s attention back on DC. There’s a lot to do here. Take some time to venture outside of Dupont.
Those are a few suggestions. As for me, my 2009 resolution will probably involve remembering more of my Saturday nights. – SAISGuy

Remember, email your suggested activity to do before you graduate, along with
questions for future issues, to matt.kaczmarek@jhu.edu and the best will appear in next month’s column.

Ask the SAIS Guy

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